visual diary part 5 – what comes on my mind when i think about you
when i was eight years old i started writing a diary just to have a space to keep my thoughts, secrets and anger. i wrote very irregular. looking at these pages today i would say: it was more a valve than a structered way to documente what was going on. between fourteen and eighteen writing my diary became something like an obsession. i really needed this white blank pages to feel understood, to have a place i can say everything i want to (without the censorship that is often more existing in the with-each-other than i want it to be). my diary was a anchor during all these rough and complicated years of growing up. it was a place to make sure who i am and what’s going on with me and a place to collect quotes and thoughts that could explain things. i also wrote (awkward dramatically) poems. then i stopped writing nearly completely. there were no more words left. only during a phase of feeling really depressed i could write like before. today taking pictures and doing collage and sometimes writing prose are the media i use to express what’s going on inside. written and spoken words are often so limited. i think a picture (and also a song like this: autolux: supertoys) can say more than so many written words. i started doing collage three years ago. it has a special aesthetics and i like the idea of putting different things together to create something new. and it’s easier to say something personal this way than writing about it because the picture is between me and you.